“How was school?” “Fine.” “What happened at school today?” “Nothing.” Sound familiar? This is the dreaded but all so predictable response to a well-intentioned question that parents often ask. These conversations are repeated a million times over in households as children arrive back from school, and they can be deeply frustrating for parents and ultimately fruitless, as they don’t obtain any of the information they seek. When parents hear these mechanical responses, they may try to elicit more information by asking more questions, but this can feel invasive, especially for secondary school children. Or parents might simply give up asking, ground down by the reticence.
If you’re lucky, your child has the sort of personality that makes it easy for them to open up to you about their time at school, their thoughts and their feelings. But such children are in the minority, so the question remains, how do I get my child to talk about their school day without irritating them or having them shut down?
1.) Avoid asking questions right after school
School can be challenging for kids, even when things are going well. They are doing so many things without you, and when they get home they want to feel warmth and safety and know that you’re happy they are back.
Your first instinct when your child comes through the door might be to ask them about school, but it makes a lot of sense to hold your tongue until they have had time to relax and have a snack.
2.) Say something first about your day
Children tend to be more open if we first open up to them. Often, younger kids don’t know how to talk about their day, and this is in fact a skill that needs to be taught. When you talk to them about your day, they gain an understanding of how to talk about their own.
3.) Ask the right questions
If you give your child a question that can be answered with one word such as yes or no, that may well be all you get. “How was your day?” is a closed-ended question as your child can respond to it with a simple OK, cutting short the conversation right there.
Try to kick off a conversation with a more specific question. Here are some examples of questions that your child is more likely to respond to positively:
- – What was the best part of your day? (and worst)
- – Who did you sit with at lunch today?
- – Tell me something funny that happened today.
- – What was the most challenging part of your day?
- – Tell me one new thing you learned today that you didn’t know before?
- – Are there any new rules this year?
- – What are you most looking forward to tomorrow?
4.) Try the High Low Buffalo game
The High Low Buffalo game is a great way to get children to open up. It’s simple – you go around the table and everyone talks about their highlight of the day, their low point of the day, and their buffalo of the day. The buffalo is anything else they thought was interesting or that they want to mention.
Your child will see that you are being open, authentic and honest, and are more likely to respond in kind.
5.) Help your child solve their problems
If your child says they are struggling in some way at school, be it with a peer or teacher, or difficulties understanding a subject, it might be best not to immediately jump in and try to fix it for them. Instead, encourage your child to independently come up with some solutions to their problem, and then help them choose the best solution, and later assess how effective (or otherwise) it was. If not so effective, go back to square one together and try again!
6.) If necessary, seek help
If your child stops communicating to you about their daily activities, this is cause for concern. In this case it is advisable to speak to your child’s teacher to gain a picture of how things are going at school from their perspective, and take it from there.
At Thames British School we are committed to your child’s holistic development, ensuring that their physical and emotional needs are met. We have fostered an open and friendly climate for learning, with a warm atmosphere where everyone feels welcome. To find out more about our school, go to: https://thamesbritishschool.pl/about-us/discover-thames-british-school
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